I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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