i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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