I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
