so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
