he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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