Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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