Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
