I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
