My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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