You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize