I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it because I queefed?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize