so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
