Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
