Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
