All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
