if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
