i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
