i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
