yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
