Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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