bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
