I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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