is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
