bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is Oprah even human
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
