dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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