party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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