i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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