there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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