I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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