I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize