The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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