That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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