sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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