"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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