He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
