honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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