We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
