Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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