then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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