Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
