omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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