haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
