Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
