I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
