Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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