God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
