Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
