He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
