does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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