you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
