yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
