so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
