I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
