I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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