Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
