There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
