I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
