Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
