A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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