I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
