I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
