The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am one with the molecules
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
