don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
