the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
