I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize