We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
