i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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