just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
