I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
