I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
