Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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